Sunday, April 11, 2010

Summary of Book XI (for the lulz)

Book 11: Drances and Camilla
War in Italy (Latium)

*Note: Everyone except the Trojans are Italians (Trojans are from Turkey). Italy, more accurately, Rome, at this point is called Latium. King Latinus is the, well, king of the Latins. King Turnus rules a group of Italians called "Rutulians" and King Evander rules a group of Tuscans from the region of Arcadia.
The whole dispute starts because Latinus originally promised his daughter, Lavania, to Turnus but then changes his mind and promises her to Aeneas because fate has willed it. Turnus at first is kind of pissed but gets super angry when Juno sends the Fury Alecto to stir up the rage in his heart. Turnus declares war on the Trojans.




After Aeneas kills a bunch of Latins, he realises that Pallas, the son of King Evander, is dead. This is bad because he told Evander that he would protect Pallas. I guess he was just so "raaage" at the Latins to even think about it. No, really, during the battle, Latins would beg to him to spare their lives but Aeneas killed them anyway.

"Please spare me! I have a wife and three kids!"
"NO *stab* "


Anyway, since Aeneas is a cry baby, he bursts into tears and calls 1000 men (where the crap did they come from?) to take Pallas' corpse (it takes 1000 people to carry one body???) to King Evander's palace. Evander is mega-depressed that he had outlived his son but forgives Aeneas because his son died with honor (aka stabbed through the chest with a spear). He then tells Aeneas that he wants King Turnus dead. Aeneas goes out to pop a cap in his ass valiantly but then again, he was planning on doing that anyway.


The Latins are kind of scared now so they ask for a twelve day truce so they can bury their dead. Aeneas is a nice guy so he's like "Yeah sure, bro." The Latin messengers are like "Woah, this guy is great! Turnus should settle is difference in a duel with him so we can stop killing each other." [*Aeneas is often called "pius Aeneas" or "pious Aeneas" because he's just that great.]


King Latinus realises bad stuff is going down so he calls a council of dudes together. He finds out that Diomedes (some ultra-manly Greek warrior who fought in the Battle of Troy and ruling a close-by kingdom) doesn't want to help them. Latinus thinks they'll probably lose the battle and decides that he should offer some land to the Trojans so things can be peaceful.

Some old guy named Drancës starts hating on Turnus and blames him for everything. He goes onto say that the Latins shouldn't have to fight since they have no will to. Turnus just so happens to walk in and gets mad when he hears all the old dudes poop talking him. He basically calls Drancës and Latinus cowards and women, mostly insulting the former and whining to the latter to keep fighting. After being a whiny buttface, Turnus finally tells the council he'll fight Aeneas one on one if that's what they want.


All of a sudden, another messenger appears out of no where! He comes in and warns the Latins that the Trojans are marching toward the city. The Latins start to freak out and get ready for battle so they can defend their city. Ultra-manly but still sexy babe Camilla joins them for battle (Leader of the Volscians, a famous race of warrior maidens).

Turnus hears from his ninjas spies that Aeneas is a smart dude and has divided his army: Light cavalry to frolic toward the city while Aeneas and some captains in armour the size of tanks go over the moutains. Turnus, thinking he's so smart, lays a trap for the Trojans on the mountain path and leaves defending the city to Camilla. Pfft, leaving the women to do the dirty work, eh?


The Trojans reach a field in front of the city and a battle starts. Apparently Camilla is the manliest warrior there and totally owns Aeneas' dudes with her spears and arrows. Then again, she isn't so manly just some time later where some lucky duck Tuscan named Arruns stabs her with his javelin.

Lucky, right? WRONG. The Goddess Diana liked Camilla and sends her attendant Opis down from Mt. Olympus to stab the fool in the middle of his victory dance. No, really, he was really having a victory dance. I would too if I just skewered the manliest bro there. But still, you could have at least let him finish!

"Booyah, I just killed Cam-argggh *dead*"


The Latins are sad because Camilla is dead, and by sad, they feel less manly without her. Their troops scatter and go hide in the city but the Trojans manage to kill a bunch of them before then. Camilla's friend, Acca. goes to tell Turnus that they got owned. Turnus returns to the city just as Aeneas passes the pace where they were going to ambush him. Lucky! Both leader go back to their armies to take a nap because it's getting dark.

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